Restless

Some of you have taken notice to my “radio silence” these past few days…I haven’t had my baby yet, and I didn’t want to bore everyone with daily reminders that I’m STILL pregnant.

I’ve read this blog post over and over: http://mamaandbabymac.wordpress.com/2014/06/23/not-all-bad/
A friend of mine recently experienced a past full term pregnancy…her attitude the last few weeks was phenomenal an inspiring. I jokingly told her that I thought God would use her to encourage me through my late pregnancy (for those who didn’t know, there was a significant time period of THIS pregnancy that I was almost bed rested because my previous midwife thought baby might come too early. Ha.). It’s encouraging that Becky’s baby IS here (showing that it’s NOT actually possible to be pregnant forever). She endured those last few weeks, with a smile on her face (at least when I saw her).

I’m not having the best attitude. I’m sleeping (or laying down a lot, to be more accurate; not exactly sleeping) and moping a lot. I get tired SO FAST. I wake up everyday and try to be motivated. It’s not working. I get the usual chores done (laundry, dishes, kitchen, vaccuuming, etc), get through school with the kids, and then….mope. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not weepy (unless I watch tv) or sad, etc….just…grumpy.

I feel like there is this lovely little timeline I had: have baby, pack, move to Florida. I was comforted by this schedule. Baby’s late arrival is rocking all that, and I am constantly convicted that NONE OF THIS SURPRISES GOD. My baby is coming when He says. Why can’t I just rest in that??

I am trying to accept that, even though it seems so far away, at the VERY LATEST, I will have my baby in my arms on August 3rd (coincidentally, that’s my parents’ anniversary). I am also trying to work towards, over these next few days, not spending so much time THINKING about it. I am looking forward to seeing Footloose this weekend…other than that, I have not much on my schedule. If you’re interested in accommodating that, I need boxes. I would be happy to go and get them myself, but while Eric is working, I don’t have a car. On a day like tomorrow, that means I don’t have a car from 6 am to 7 pm. So….if anyone in the area feels like running by the liquor store and loading their car with boxes and bringing them to me, I wouldn’t turn you away! 🙂

Eric has been amazing. He has been so patient, so kind, so servant-hearted. I am beyond blessed with a husband who gets it, who gets me, who defends me and protects me. He is the very good one. am so thankful for his love and grace…he also works a LOT. So I miss him terribly right now; my hormones are raging and it makes me want to cry when I wish he was here and instead he’s cleaning a toilet.

PSA: Haley, you should get in a car and drive here. I don’t even know if you read this blog, but if you are, PLEASE come keep me company. Tell Gus it’s super important. 🙂

**I recognize that I will remain restless until I rest in Him. I’m so good at giving the advice, even to myself…I’m not fantastic at putting it into practice. Have you ever heard that song by Audrey Assad? My favorite part goes like this:
“Still my heart, hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry
And I am restless, I’m restless
‘Til I rest in You, let me rest in You
And I am restless, so restless
‘Til I rest in You, ’til I rest in You
Oh God, let me rest in You”

I’m gonna go ahead and keep that on repeat for a few hours.